Rambling on... again..

 Is it ok to miss yourself sometimes?  I miss you R… I miss your innocence The belief that the world was a happy place That love was there all around All we need to do is to reach out. Just an honest open attempt And life will reward you If you worked long and hard It will even speak up for you I liked that about you You knew how to move on You knew that forgiving was the only way Not forgetting necessarily - but definitely letting go I liked how you gave it your all When you set your mind to it How you put the scared kid inside you to bed every night With a promise that the next day would be better The kid who cried in her pillow for years Just because she felt lonely and unloved You told her you were there to hold her hand Whatever else life throws at her, you wouldn’t leave her alone But now that child is overwhelmed  The loneliness is threatening to take it all What can she do to keep it at bay With the weight of responsibilities taking their toll So while I think of ...

 In a completely random chat with my ma this morning, we were talking about someone who's known to be a cribber all her life. It reminded me of a turning point in my own journey of self-awareness - some 20 years ago.  At that point of time, my personal life was in an upheaval of sorts, work was good but was feeling short-changed due to some office politics - basically I was generally in a negative state of mind. One summer night, I was driving back home after a tiring day at work in a morose mood. Feeling bad for myself, blaming God in general - essentially a tired soul more than the body. At a traffic light, I glanced around and saw an absolutely unexpected site. On the road-divider there was a family of 4 - a couple and 2 young kids (under 10 years of age) - chilling out post dinner. That was not the unexpected bit.  The couple were laughing over something and talking to each other - looking happy to be together. The kids were playing with some stones and smiling away t...

I got married to a senior from  my MBA college  – we were both just about 25 years old at the time. We had been friends for 2 -3  years and believed that our common interests in books and movies made us compatible. Innocence and naivety was all pervasive then. He was from a conservative Gujarati family in Bombay and I came from a UP  Baniya  family where we had been brought up with very progressive values – something I honestly didn’t realize till much later.  Post marriage, I lived with my in-laws (including a younger sister in law) – a family of 5 of us in a 1 bedroom, 1 hall flat. For anyone who hasn’t lived in Bombay, it is very tough to imagine living in those small places. It takes away any semblance of privacy or personal space. Since I was working too, the daily commute on the locals as well as the expectations of ‘ Bahu ’ took away whatever little extra time I might have been able to get for any semblance of a private life with my husband. It also ...

This Women’s Day, IWD has chose the theme of the day to be Choose to Challenge. It’s a well-known fact that we all need to Challenge the way women issues are being handled, challenge the pay gaps, challenge the discrepancies in law in various countries and so many more such issues at a global level. When I think about this however, I would like to think that we need to challenge ourselves first. Challenge our thinking, mindset and beliefs we hold dear – many a times without even realizing it. A prime example of this is the role of a woman at home and the deep mindset conditioning that the kitchen is a woman’s responsibility. I believe that in many many ways, the stereotyping that we are protesting about at a global level, starts in our own homes in general and kitchens in particular. Across the world – across cultures – this is one of the things which is consistent. If there’s a woman in the house, the kitchen is her responsibility. If you find a man in there, its seen to be a favor or...

In my experience, if someone was able to arrive at an algorithm to solve this one question – there would be many many takers for it. Unlike professional ones, personal relationships are much more of a self-investment zone. This means that I have possibly invested not just my heart but also a part of my soul in this relationship. Can I just walk away? Will I ever be whole again? How will I even breathe let alone build a ‘happy’ life? And I am not even getting into the entire space of what will ‘they’ think of me. The ‘they’ here could be anyone ranging from family, friends to even strangers we’ve never even met. Over the years of being single after my divorce, I have had this conversation with many others who’ve either already gone through it or are flirting wi th the idea of going through it - “What made you take the final step?” I believe that a spousal relationship is built on 4 pillars of support – Physical intimacy, Emotional, Financial and Intellectual support. After going throu...

Having grown up on a liberal dose of Mills & Boons and eternal love stories, its been a life-long grudge with God / Fate / Destiny of mine that that’s been the one thing which always eluded me – Butterflies in my tummy and stars in my eyes kind of love. I remember when I was in 8 th grade – I won an extempore speech contest where the topic given to me as I stepped onto the stage was ‘Happiness’. I had about 30 seconds to gather my thoughts and then make a 2 minute long speech on the topic. I don’t really remember what I spoke exactly – except for 2 things. 1). I finished in 1.30 minutes. 2). I finished with a quote I remembered on happiness – Happiness is like a butterfly – runs away from you the more you chase it. But if you were to sit quietly and turn your attention elsewhere, you might just find it coming on its own and sitting on your shoulder. ( I think even I would have given myself the award for this !! ) But anyways – that’s what Romance became for me. I think I chas...