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We're not Special!

Over the last few months, have had several conversations with friends on the seemingly growing number of divorces around us. The married ones talk of it with a 'tut-tut' of disapproval and a maybe sometimes even a 'sigh' of wishful dreams of single-again lifestyles. The single ones talk of it much more matter-of-factly - maybe mostly as they cant afford to be judgemental about this subject.

So got me into another long wondrous rant mentally on WHY - exactly WHY is being married so bloody important in our society? Actually its importance can be judged by the sheer effort that almost each and every individual puts towards finding it - NOTE - not in maintaining it, but finding it.
From when you're born, almost everyone grows up with the notion of being 'special' to someone. Parents, grandparents, friends, siblings and then eventually your romantic interests in life - we all love the feeling of being 'special'.

Had read this article recently which said that essentially the marriages around us are crumbling as we put too many expectations from 1 person. We seek romantic, financial, sexual, lifestyle, familial and even intellectual support from the same person. And apparently the generation today - especially the men - are not able to take the pressure of all this.

Is this very different from how it was - say a generation ago?

Maybe there truly is something to be said of the growing self-confidence in women today. Cause isnt it true that the women now expect their men to be all this and more to them? Was this the same earlier? Maybe it wasnt. Women were more coy about expressing and demanding their needs. Men were maybe more shielded from having to live upto those needs. The social expectations were more limited to materialistic possessions and not necessarily experiential-trophies. What kind of adventure tourism did you do? How much of a thrill-seeker you are? Are you a more 'evolved and sophisticated' person that your neighbour?

Is this kind of a gender-divide reasoning too simplistic an explaination for today's scenario?

I feel that a person's happiness is one's own responsibility.
Sometimes you can be blessed to have your kind of people around you to contribute to your happiness - but maybe sometimes you need to find your own happiness within you.
If you realise that your happiness comes to you in the form of your relationships - work on them. Make them what you want. Give them time and energy. Dont expect them to deliver as per your command.
If you realise that your work gives you happiness - be passionate about it. Give it time and energy.
If its a mix of both of these that you want - strike the balance. Make time and effort work for both in a way that gets you to your goals.

Taking things, relationships, people, situations for granted - as per me is what leads to most unhappiness in life.
When we start imagining that life owes us happiness. Just because - we're 'Special'.
When we want to be rewarded without putting in effort - and not just any effort, but the 'right' effort. It needs a bit of intelligence - both emotional and social. It needs a bit of humility and sensitivity. It needs a bit of perspective.

Make your life 'special' - YOURSELF!

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