Resolutions have become a bit of a bad-word in today's world - rather a much mocked word i think. in many ways - rightfully so. but there is something to be said for the power of actually writing down the promises you want to make to yourself. not for anything or anyone else. just for yourself. call it what you will - resolutions to me are not just will-try-IF-possible things to do. i would rather not make those. at all.
So anyways all that this prelude means that i need to be really ready to make these promises to myself before committing.
but cant give up and or take on easy tasks, can i? :)
#1 - Give up on the fear of failure. Too many times this has stopped me from actually trying out anything new. just the fear. of not being able to do it. of making a fool of myself. of being proven a failure. something or the other. But i think its time i got over this now. i mean i am 46 years old. ab nahi to kab?? So as the very first task for myself - have researched and identified a place to go and learn guitar from. Not being foolish and spending too much money on it initially (as have been known to do a couple of times in the past) - but then this also allows it to become an easy exit. Which i dont want to give myself. hmm... how do i ensure i really try my best and not pay lip-service to my own promise? No easy answer here but shall certainly revisit this blog entry frequently for the reminder to self.
#2 - Stay away from Retail Therapy. Without realizing and maybe in the company of some close ones... i slipped into this bad habit over the last few years. Not blaming anyone, but just really surprised at landing in this space. its quite the opposite of who and what i was in my growing as well as most of my adult years. Of course the increased affordability status has contributed - but more than that i think there's always a sense of inadequacy which feeds this need for retail therapy. And i refuse to feel inadequate anymore. I am ME. I am ENOUGH. I dont need to prove myself to anyone and stand for being something i'm not.
i enjoy shopping for good things - sometimes. And shall continue to do so of course. But much more mindful shopping than falling for 'Deals' and 'Cure to boredom' or any other excuse i strum up.
#3 - Stop pandering to egos. For too long i have felt that i end up catering to some people's egos rather than standing up and showing them the mirror. there's always a conflict in my head on this one - whats the fine balance between not wanting to hurt someone and also wanting to stop feeding their many-times-misplaced egos? I dont want to be rude. i certainly dont want to spoil relationships. and the weak person in my head ends up grinning and bearing it. but i think i'm at a point in my life where i feel like giving up on this responsibility. I really am tired. and these kind of things add to the tiredness of my soul. i want to be light and true and not be having these multiple conversations with myself in my head - mostly me questioning me why i didnt call out someone's bullshit when i had the best opportunity. i can do without them.
though must say that i realise that its much easier than done. It might mean some damage to the already very few relationships i have in my life. is it worth it? maybe shall do some A/B testing and see :)
#4 - Get really serious about being financially wise. While i've been attempting to do this in bits and pieces right through - but i think there's a lot of scope to improve. and since this kind of determines how cocky i can afford to be in life, i better shape this up too. so whether it means reading up where to invest, looking for alternates to safe investments or just staying put with the investments which i already have made - it just needs to be thought through and not used as a default lazy option.
essentially i realize that the common theme running through all these is a need to kick off laziness from my head - and my life i guess. its become boring and very very predictable. Stability cannot mean boring. But upto me to find the balance between thrill and steady!!
Happy New Year 2020!!
So anyways all that this prelude means that i need to be really ready to make these promises to myself before committing.
but cant give up and or take on easy tasks, can i? :)
#1 - Give up on the fear of failure. Too many times this has stopped me from actually trying out anything new. just the fear. of not being able to do it. of making a fool of myself. of being proven a failure. something or the other. But i think its time i got over this now. i mean i am 46 years old. ab nahi to kab?? So as the very first task for myself - have researched and identified a place to go and learn guitar from. Not being foolish and spending too much money on it initially (as have been known to do a couple of times in the past) - but then this also allows it to become an easy exit. Which i dont want to give myself. hmm... how do i ensure i really try my best and not pay lip-service to my own promise? No easy answer here but shall certainly revisit this blog entry frequently for the reminder to self.
#2 - Stay away from Retail Therapy. Without realizing and maybe in the company of some close ones... i slipped into this bad habit over the last few years. Not blaming anyone, but just really surprised at landing in this space. its quite the opposite of who and what i was in my growing as well as most of my adult years. Of course the increased affordability status has contributed - but more than that i think there's always a sense of inadequacy which feeds this need for retail therapy. And i refuse to feel inadequate anymore. I am ME. I am ENOUGH. I dont need to prove myself to anyone and stand for being something i'm not.
i enjoy shopping for good things - sometimes. And shall continue to do so of course. But much more mindful shopping than falling for 'Deals' and 'Cure to boredom' or any other excuse i strum up.
#3 - Stop pandering to egos. For too long i have felt that i end up catering to some people's egos rather than standing up and showing them the mirror. there's always a conflict in my head on this one - whats the fine balance between not wanting to hurt someone and also wanting to stop feeding their many-times-misplaced egos? I dont want to be rude. i certainly dont want to spoil relationships. and the weak person in my head ends up grinning and bearing it. but i think i'm at a point in my life where i feel like giving up on this responsibility. I really am tired. and these kind of things add to the tiredness of my soul. i want to be light and true and not be having these multiple conversations with myself in my head - mostly me questioning me why i didnt call out someone's bullshit when i had the best opportunity. i can do without them.
though must say that i realise that its much easier than done. It might mean some damage to the already very few relationships i have in my life. is it worth it? maybe shall do some A/B testing and see :)
#4 - Get really serious about being financially wise. While i've been attempting to do this in bits and pieces right through - but i think there's a lot of scope to improve. and since this kind of determines how cocky i can afford to be in life, i better shape this up too. so whether it means reading up where to invest, looking for alternates to safe investments or just staying put with the investments which i already have made - it just needs to be thought through and not used as a default lazy option.
essentially i realize that the common theme running through all these is a need to kick off laziness from my head - and my life i guess. its become boring and very very predictable. Stability cannot mean boring. But upto me to find the balance between thrill and steady!!
Happy New Year 2020!!
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