In life, beginings and ends form such a crucial part of living - never have i realised it more than in the last month or so. Both personally and professionally - too many things are ending and too many new ones are beginning.
Its very easy to get nostalgic about whats ended - easier still to forget that it was us who wanted that stage to end ourselves. All because somewhere or the other in our heart - we're scared of the next stage... scared of not being sure... maybe of not having the comfort of belonging - like how we did earlier.
Leaving aside the personal changes - professionally, after working for 14 years non-stop, i quit. To the world - i've taken a 'break'. No plans, No hidden cards (yes i got told that by quite a few), No waiting-by-the-side offers... just needed to not feel fatigued in life and figured that it IS after all, MY OWN LIFE... so i can do what feels right to me... without guilt, or feeling irresponsible, or even just guilt of being lazy!! Its my goddamn life...
Whats been interesting in the middle of all this - is the reaction i get from people around me. A drastic step to 'change the norm'- even in someone else's life - seems to cause people discomfort in some form or the other. From wondering if i've lost my mind to envying that i could do it while they couldn't. From playing the 'you can tell me, i wont tell anyone' probing lines to 'ahh... so managed to hook a rich guy or what'. Anything - just about anything at all - that'll give an acceptable reasoning to my dramatic decision.
Sometimes - just the fun of trying to figure out the people who think like this - was reward enough for me! Had some really ROFL moments after speaking to some of them.
But now the initial head-rush of getting into the unknown is over... Maybe its due to age (i do sound OLD!!!) that instead of seeming like an adventure - the unknown begins to cause apprehensions instead... and these are not just what i felt for myself - but those around me too.
Well-meaning friends and family waited for just a couple of weeks, before gently probing 'plans'... Over the last few days, concerns on my financial well-being have emerged too!! (which i must say am trying my best to use to my advantage - free lunches for me anyone????)
Am not sure what the future holds for me - far far far from it i am. And personal life has kept me so busy that i havent had too much time on my hands either... but yes... some key learnings so far -
- The dip in intellectual stimulus is by far the most hard-hitting part of the change
- People interaction changes its profile dramatically - not necessarily good or bad... just very very diff.
- There are always people who thought of you only as the occupant of the chair you were on - while seeming to be friends. They become clearer in no time at all.
- Friends and family come back to occupying central space in life... over-dependence is a huge risk...
Lets see where it all goes from here...
Its very easy to get nostalgic about whats ended - easier still to forget that it was us who wanted that stage to end ourselves. All because somewhere or the other in our heart - we're scared of the next stage... scared of not being sure... maybe of not having the comfort of belonging - like how we did earlier.
Leaving aside the personal changes - professionally, after working for 14 years non-stop, i quit. To the world - i've taken a 'break'. No plans, No hidden cards (yes i got told that by quite a few), No waiting-by-the-side offers... just needed to not feel fatigued in life and figured that it IS after all, MY OWN LIFE... so i can do what feels right to me... without guilt, or feeling irresponsible, or even just guilt of being lazy!! Its my goddamn life...
Whats been interesting in the middle of all this - is the reaction i get from people around me. A drastic step to 'change the norm'- even in someone else's life - seems to cause people discomfort in some form or the other. From wondering if i've lost my mind to envying that i could do it while they couldn't. From playing the 'you can tell me, i wont tell anyone' probing lines to 'ahh... so managed to hook a rich guy or what'. Anything - just about anything at all - that'll give an acceptable reasoning to my dramatic decision.
Sometimes - just the fun of trying to figure out the people who think like this - was reward enough for me! Had some really ROFL moments after speaking to some of them.
But now the initial head-rush of getting into the unknown is over... Maybe its due to age (i do sound OLD!!!) that instead of seeming like an adventure - the unknown begins to cause apprehensions instead... and these are not just what i felt for myself - but those around me too.
Well-meaning friends and family waited for just a couple of weeks, before gently probing 'plans'... Over the last few days, concerns on my financial well-being have emerged too!! (which i must say am trying my best to use to my advantage - free lunches for me anyone????)
Am not sure what the future holds for me - far far far from it i am. And personal life has kept me so busy that i havent had too much time on my hands either... but yes... some key learnings so far -
- The dip in intellectual stimulus is by far the most hard-hitting part of the change
- People interaction changes its profile dramatically - not necessarily good or bad... just very very diff.
- There are always people who thought of you only as the occupant of the chair you were on - while seeming to be friends. They become clearer in no time at all.
- Friends and family come back to occupying central space in life... over-dependence is a huge risk...
Lets see where it all goes from here...
Comments
Your post really hits home ... in the eagerness to keep people who matter happy - family, colleagues, friends ... the single biggest casualty is ME! Can't remember the last time I did something just for poor ol' ME. Perhaps a little selfishness is essential? Curious to see how you get along, keep in touch.
On a lighter note, you actually found intellectual stimulation in the office? Woohoo!
@Sri - as i'm figuring out these days - stimulation is as stimulation gets!!! ;)
My journey to date has been filled with joy as well as the occasional panic attacks. However, I have to say that quitting was the best decision I have made and I definitely do not regret it.
And...I am sure that you will find it fulfilling-:) do stay in touch and am praying for you to live your life as courageously as you hv done so far....
Luv, anna
I am still living the journey and every day brings different
It's your life - "Just "Keep Smiling' and "Enjooooy".
Now you've time to do loooots of thingx.
'Escape" from Routine to Non-Routine :)