I come from a typical middle class traditional and conservative family with roots based on ‘Family before anything else’. My father – absolutely the most driven and strong personality I know of till date – ran the house with his terror keeping the 3 kids in tow. Having financial constraints was a way of life and how to overcome it – the main driving force for all of us.
Very early on Papa identified education as the huge enabler to get over these constraints. However it wasn’t his (or mom’s) job at all – it was upto us. He enabled us by giving us the opportunity to study in the best schools within his limited means. 3 of us were taught to eat with fork and knife - without ever having been to a five star hotel. We used to all read both classical and fiction novels – without ever buying any. At the same time – we were all taught each and every house chore, be it dusting, mopping or washing utensils. When I say ‘all’ I mean – my elder sister, elder brother and me. If the house help didn’t turn up, the 3 tasks were split between the 3 of us. Equally.
Much before the current woke idea of #eachforequal came around, I grew up not realizing that there was a world which wasn’t equal. I never saw my brother being privileged because he was a boy. My sister was the one accompanying my dad to his factory and my brother went with mom regularly for vegetable shopping. (I got away from both being the youngest and of course - lazy!!)
Whether we studied or played, we got the same set of rules to follow. Cleaning up after yourself, helping out with each and every chore at home, giving up your bed for guests et al – nothing was ever different.
Over years – especially after I got married the first time around – is when I was rudely made to realize that BOYS and GIRLS have different rules to live their lives by. As expected, it did not sit well with me. I mean – I had studied the same way, did well at extra curriculars and put in the same hard work at my job too – then why would the rules at home be any different? I simply couldn’t comprehend the difference – let alone find any kind of logic in it. Of course, no wonder that didn’t last too long.
The reality is of course that the world operates with two very different set of rules – for men and for women. Unfortunately in my life experiences, it’s largely the women who seem to be tied to these rules much more than men – they raise their sons differently than their daughters, treat their husbands with a different yard stick than what they expect for themselves, even view their careers differently than other careers and are most importantly guilty of the worst crime ever – Pulling other women down. Its common place to see snarky comments made in both public and private lives about any success that another woman achieves - mostly made by other women only. Gender imbalance in the heads of women is a much more dangerous phenomenon than anything men can do to us.
If only each of women could build up 3 other women around us – it’ll cause a sea change in the role and place of women in this world. So this Woman’s Day let us all just make a simple promise to ourselves – we shall be the first to change ourselves. Don’t expect the change to be brought about by someone else – do your own bit first. Praise the effort your neighbour is making with her kids, applaud your colleague when she makes a good presentation or openly support your friend when she stands up to a challenge. Change the way you bring up your kids, the way you treat the other gender but most importantly – change the way you treat other women around you. I can assure you that it will be WOMEN's Year after that and not just a Day!
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