Rambling on... again..

This year am paying special attention to the Mothers' Day posts which have already started making an appearance on FB... I guess with R being so small right now, I still am far from really understanding the hoopla around it. And this coming from someone who loves any excuse to make a special day out of an ordinary one! Also as always... am still identifying more with the child than the mother in any mom-child pics I see!!! :) But anyways... made me think yet again of the huge upheaval motherhood causes in a woman's life... physically, mentally, emotionally AND intellectually!!!! I remember the early weeks - I used to starve for any adult company and ANY conversation topic beyond potty and feeding! Thankfully its gotten better with a bit of work, but no where close still to being on ur feet and in the thick of action. While mommyhood gives a certain kind of high for sure (especially when R's eyes light up and he gives a big smile on seeing me!), but it doesn't come cl...

Old gives way to the new... New gets old... And so on... am sure there is no one in the world for whom this is anything new, and yet... aren't we all still caught by surprise when life plays exactly the same out to us? It makes us stupid I guess - but its also what keeps us human. Have always said that there's nothing more grounding that going to your parents' place... the habits we keep in that house for some reason are the same as when we were kids...simple, straight-forward values - Parents' have to be obeyed, No rude words to anyone, Shut up and do the chores, No nakhras of any sort will be tolerated... Things never change. Thank God! And yet with time - things DO change.. subtly enough... maybe that's why it catches us by surprise to find out that the supporting hand while crossing the street is now the next-generation's, the person taking the lead to get things fixed around the house is no longer dad, the one complaining about the dust in the co...

I must say of all the random side-effects of 'taking a break', this one was completely unanticipated for me - I have lost my WEEKENDS!!! :( Its true - since everyday sort of is like a weekend, i started off with the feeling of waking up on a sunday morning everyday.. the euphoria lasted only a few weeks, when i started realising that the thrill of a friday was gone from my life. I used to be someone with a fixed smile on my face on fridays - just with the happiness of the 2 day holiday looming ahead. Guarded my weekends very zealously - people who worked with me knew that it better be serious enough for me to called on a weekend with anything!! Sleeping late on a saturday morning used to make me smile with just the thought of it... Yet there's one thing i dont miss... the sheer depression that used to start looming large with the sunday evening approaching... :) Now when i read friend's updates on TGIF - my mind goes.. "hmmm, well yes... but... so?" Overall - ...

One of the side-effects of taking a ‘break’ is managing finances and doing the mental adjustment needed to not expect the sure-fire salary transfer every month end! Its only been one 25th of the month since my quitting – but have to admit I DID think of the salary I wasn’t getting that day… :) Friends who’ve walked the similar path before me tell me that its been one of the toughest adjustment areas for most. And I would tend to agree – so far that is. Salary has a way of giving us internal-confidence of being in control of our lives. Am sure most people who’ve worked for a reasonable amount of time and with a reasonably decent salary – don’t NEED to check for the exact time / day when its been transferred every month. However the knowledge that it has moved – gives a warm and happy glow to everyone I know! It makes every effort you've put into your job day and night seem worth it. So when you decide to give up on that part of the control – its expectedly tough. My erstwhile salary...

In life, beginings and ends form such a crucial part of living - never have i realised it more than in the last month or so. Both personally and professionally - too many things are ending and too many new ones are beginning. Its very easy to get nostalgic about whats ended - easier still to forget that it was us who wanted that stage to end ourselves. All because somewhere or the other in our heart - we're scared of the next stage... scared of not being sure... maybe of not having the comfort of belonging - like how we did earlier. Leaving aside the personal changes - professionally, after working for 14 years non-stop, i quit. To the world - i've taken a 'break'. No plans, No hidden cards (yes i got told that by quite a few), No waiting-by-the-side offers... just needed to not feel fatigued in life and figured that it IS after all, MY OWN LIFE... so i can do what feels right to me... without guilt, or feeling irresponsible, or even just guilt of being lazy!! Its my go...

'A beautiful dress is of no use until it inspires someone to take it off!!' Vanity and women have a very very weird relationship. We seem to believe that its only OK for us to be vain, but not for any one else around us. We turn our snooty noses up in the air at any 'obvious' display of it, and yet applaud the same when it walks down a ramp wrapped in a beautiful package. From women in the villages who use the household fuel - charcoal to line their eyes; to women elsewhere in the world who believe gold flakes is also too little to bring the 'glow' to their faces -- aren't we all just simply VAIN??

Sometimes life has its own way of getting the answers you seek to you through absolutely unexpected ways! A general catch-up session with a dear friend and sharing what's been happening in life turned into a moment of 'THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!!' The answer to the most often asked question - at least in my life for a while lately - 'should i go out and do what my heart says or should i accept this (whatever it may be at that point of time) as fate?' And this question has begun to haunt me in almost every sphere of life i can think of - professional or personal! So when i heard these words today - something... no actually Everything kind of fell into place. It IS ok to follow your heart - even though the path may be paved with a great deal of loneliness or even pain and disappointments - but life's just not worth it if you cant look back in your last moments and feel you've really done justice to LIVING!!! :) So dear friend - you know who you are...