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For Dear Ruaan....9th October 2013

                                                                                                                                                      
Dearest darling cheeku…
Today you turn ONE! Happy happy happy birthday sweetheart.. One of those moments when I truly bow my head in gratitude to god who made this possible for me. It’s been a full year of having you in my life… and now I finally understand what people meant when they said – you will forget your life before your child came along in your life…
I do have some vague memories of having a very different life earlier… but they all pale in comparison to the filled-up existence I have today – all thanks to you. As you will realize as you slowly start understanding me better – am not a gushing-with-emotions kind of a person. I like having my own sensibilities about my life and what affects various parts of it... and you will also realize that I am one of the brutally-honest snobs - pretty snobbish about being honest! So please trust me when I say this – I love you like crazy and cannot imagine living my life any other way J
I cannot imagine not having your sweet little face look at me with those absolutely trusting looks…
I cannot imagine a day passing by without holding you in my arms and feeling your warmth to my core….
I cannot imagine life without your smile and these cute little cheeks I love running my fingertips on…
You have brought the one trait out in me I lacked the most – Patience
You have made me believe in something I honestly thought was the biggest piece of lie in this world – Unconditional love
While things may change – and I know they will – soon enough… I always want to remember this year as the one where you gave me the tightest hugs, pulled my hair and attempted to make me bald, used your one-finger stance at everything in sight, climbed all over me even with your eyes closed, slept innumerable times ON my tummy or arms, crawled over to me when I called you even from another room, played peekaboo with the tiny little handkerchief, how you would stop crying every time I sang YOUR song to you (did you really realize that I made it up just for you?), how you danced with me around the room in my arms… ahhh… just too many memories you and I managed to make in just 365 days, don’t you think!!??
While I was always a responsible person (true that!!) – you made me feel jittery with responsibility the first time you were given to me in my hands. Trust me – I wasn’t anywhere close to feeling all emotional – unless you count severe cursing and unstoppable anger – as emotions. I did not start off feeling all overwhelmed with having created something either – though trust me later I spent weeks and weeks touching your fingers and legs and wondering how the hell did it all fit inside!! I started off with being glad that the part with pregnancy and all its worries was over and done with – without really realizing that it was a mere run-up to the biggest life-altering reinvention a woman can go through - Becoming a MOTHER.
The year that went by took me through all that and brought me to this place today – where I stand and look back and think – Yes it was worth it. Yes if going through all that brought me Ruaan, then I am glad I did go through it.
Ruaan… sweetheart, someday I hope you and I will make for great friends… and great companions - cause honestly that’s what I have always believed I wanted as a relationship with my child.
For now I shall be your parent – your playmate, your hand-holder, your cleaning maid, your protector, your rock… and you be my de-stresser, stress-maker, oxygen-supplier, laughter-invoker, tear-provoker… Till next year…
Tons and tons of love,
Ma

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