NDTV Lounge is fast becoming a fav. show of mine... It seems to bring out in the open the kind of discussions we used to have in our friend circle in college days... and even later. Somehow dont seem to have that kind of a circle these days... maybe this is also a fallout of becoming a 'middle level manager'! Or maybe becoz most people around are anyways married and any controversial viewpoint might endanger peace at home!! ;-)
Anyways - back to this week's topic... Making the first move... at various stages of a relationship...
Gender stereotypes dictate that the men need to make the first move - asking out for the first time, taking a step forward in the physical side of the relation and finally - Marriage! Women have all the right in the world to refuse at any of these stages - but taking it on themselves ... mmm ... well thats a clear NO! Any woman who does that is classifed 'fast / easy / cheap' material! This is the given that ruled the mindsets - esp. here in India - for the longest time possible...
So have the changing times really changed this? Have the new age men and women changed in their own thinking that much to have changed this long-held rule of relationships? and not just to claim that we're all 'evolved' - have the mindsets truly undergone this change? how many people around us do we have who have done so and actually bore good results from the change?
I know that if i start asking people around me what they think of this - most will turn around and say am being backward by even questioning that this is NOT already a well-accepted practise in our world. But somehow - something in me says i dont believe it! :-)
I have always thought that on a scale of traditional and westernism... i tend to fall towards the traditional side when it comes to the role of women in all this... however i also truly think i've changed this abt myself in the recent past. whats responsible is lack of patience more than anything else - i find it a waste of time to go thru the rituals around dating... esp. when i would rather move onto figuring out whether the guy is even worth that much thought!! ;-)
Lets take it from the start - Of course these are MY stereotypes... aint it the basic law of freedom which says am entitled to mine!!!
Asking out for the first date : Women doing this i think are there... not necessarily a lot ... but still are there. and i do think most guys are also fine with being asked out. beyond adding to their ego, wud imagine also provides a very good story in the boys club night outs!
A woman who asks a man out on a first date - well she would called confident, secure and definitely - aggressive! Maybe she'll not just foot her own bill for the date - but even insist on paying for the guy since she was the one who asked for the date itself.
A man who accepts the date (am ruling out the cases where the men run away scared of or offended at being asked out!!) - well he's also likely to be confident, secure and maybe a bit adventurous!
Taking the relation to the physical level : Hmm... this is very interesting...
The man who makes this move first - is basically just trying his luck... he he! after all he's a man... the entire world accepts it as a given.
For women - The surest, shortest way of being labelled - one way or the other... choose between a tart or a sex goddess!!!
For a man - to whom such a move is made towards - well, he better be a secure individual or else he's going to have somewhere a complex in him. unless ofcourse he's just plain dumb who believe he got lucky!!
And finally Marriage : This one is a bit confusing for me to have a concrete thought on.. too many scenarios can affect this... eg. has the relation been long-term or short? is physical part already taken care of? Is there emotional baggage on either side which may be causing a wait-and-watch game?
but somehow i think a woman proposing marriage will still be more acceptable to the male ego than the physical one. and i also have the example of two close friends who did this and have a very decent marriage today!
tho' i still feel that all romantic notions deeply engrained into a woman's psyche demand that the guy be the one to propose - and encouraging (or more accurately - strongly nudging) the guy towards the proposal is fine, but actually doing the deed!!! hmmm... thats quite diff. isnt it?
anyways - good to revisit such basics of relationships... whatever else might change but this age-old ritual of dating / mating will always hold an interesting place in TV shows!! I guess media DOES mirror life after all!! :-)
Anyways - back to this week's topic... Making the first move... at various stages of a relationship...
Gender stereotypes dictate that the men need to make the first move - asking out for the first time, taking a step forward in the physical side of the relation and finally - Marriage! Women have all the right in the world to refuse at any of these stages - but taking it on themselves ... mmm ... well thats a clear NO! Any woman who does that is classifed 'fast / easy / cheap' material! This is the given that ruled the mindsets - esp. here in India - for the longest time possible...
So have the changing times really changed this? Have the new age men and women changed in their own thinking that much to have changed this long-held rule of relationships? and not just to claim that we're all 'evolved' - have the mindsets truly undergone this change? how many people around us do we have who have done so and actually bore good results from the change?
I know that if i start asking people around me what they think of this - most will turn around and say am being backward by even questioning that this is NOT already a well-accepted practise in our world. But somehow - something in me says i dont believe it! :-)
I have always thought that on a scale of traditional and westernism... i tend to fall towards the traditional side when it comes to the role of women in all this... however i also truly think i've changed this abt myself in the recent past. whats responsible is lack of patience more than anything else - i find it a waste of time to go thru the rituals around dating... esp. when i would rather move onto figuring out whether the guy is even worth that much thought!! ;-)
Lets take it from the start - Of course these are MY stereotypes... aint it the basic law of freedom which says am entitled to mine!!!
Asking out for the first date : Women doing this i think are there... not necessarily a lot ... but still are there. and i do think most guys are also fine with being asked out. beyond adding to their ego, wud imagine also provides a very good story in the boys club night outs!
A woman who asks a man out on a first date - well she would called confident, secure and definitely - aggressive! Maybe she'll not just foot her own bill for the date - but even insist on paying for the guy since she was the one who asked for the date itself.
A man who accepts the date (am ruling out the cases where the men run away scared of or offended at being asked out!!) - well he's also likely to be confident, secure and maybe a bit adventurous!
Taking the relation to the physical level : Hmm... this is very interesting...
The man who makes this move first - is basically just trying his luck... he he! after all he's a man... the entire world accepts it as a given.
For women - The surest, shortest way of being labelled - one way or the other... choose between a tart or a sex goddess!!!
For a man - to whom such a move is made towards - well, he better be a secure individual or else he's going to have somewhere a complex in him. unless ofcourse he's just plain dumb who believe he got lucky!!
And finally Marriage : This one is a bit confusing for me to have a concrete thought on.. too many scenarios can affect this... eg. has the relation been long-term or short? is physical part already taken care of? Is there emotional baggage on either side which may be causing a wait-and-watch game?
but somehow i think a woman proposing marriage will still be more acceptable to the male ego than the physical one. and i also have the example of two close friends who did this and have a very decent marriage today!
tho' i still feel that all romantic notions deeply engrained into a woman's psyche demand that the guy be the one to propose - and encouraging (or more accurately - strongly nudging) the guy towards the proposal is fine, but actually doing the deed!!! hmmm... thats quite diff. isnt it?
anyways - good to revisit such basics of relationships... whatever else might change but this age-old ritual of dating / mating will always hold an interesting place in TV shows!! I guess media DOES mirror life after all!! :-)
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