Rambling on... again..

In my experience, if someone was able to arrive at an algorithm to solve this one question – there would be many many takers for it. Unlike professional ones, personal relationships are much more of a self-investment zone. This means that I have possibly invested not just my heart but also a part of my soul in this relationship. Can I just walk away? Will I ever be whole again? How will I even breathe let alone build a ‘happy’ life? And I am not even getting into the entire space of what will ‘they’ think of me. The ‘they’ here could be anyone ranging from family, friends to even strangers we’ve never even met. Over the years of being single after my divorce, I have had this conversation with many others who’ve either already gone through it or are flirting wi th the idea of going through it - “What made you take the final step?” I believe that a spousal relationship is built on 4 pillars of support – Physical intimacy, Emotional, Financial and Intellectual support. After going throu...

Having grown up on a liberal dose of Mills & Boons and eternal love stories, its been a life-long grudge with God / Fate / Destiny of mine that that’s been the one thing which always eluded me – Butterflies in my tummy and stars in my eyes kind of love. I remember when I was in 8 th grade – I won an extempore speech contest where the topic given to me as I stepped onto the stage was ‘Happiness’. I had about 30 seconds to gather my thoughts and then make a 2 minute long speech on the topic. I don’t really remember what I spoke exactly – except for 2 things. 1). I finished in 1.30 minutes. 2). I finished with a quote I remembered on happiness – Happiness is like a butterfly – runs away from you the more you chase it. But if you were to sit quietly and turn your attention elsewhere, you might just find it coming on its own and sitting on your shoulder. ( I think even I would have given myself the award for this !! ) But anyways – that’s what Romance became for me. I think I chas...

Growing up as the 3 rd child in a financially constrained environment, I grew up with an in-built need to prove myself on my own merits. My father with his super-alpha personality fueled this in all 3 of us as well. It was the nurturing foil which my mom provided, which I feel is directly to be credited with keeping us human. An absolutely non-confrontational lady – right from her own childhood to being a parent – Ma had her own very unique ways of managing the brood. For a recent work initiative I had to think of two traits which I have as a professional which she influenced. And while it took me time to come up with them initially, once it started rolling – 2 wasn’t a good enough number. -           Work-Life Balance : No matter how many academic accolades any of us won or even sporting enrollments we did, none of it could be used to avoid household chores or making ourselves available for anything the family needed us for. Managing ...

I come from a typical middle class traditional and conservative family with roots based on ‘Family before anything else’. My father – absolutely the most driven and strong personality I know of till date – ran the house with his terror keeping the 3 kids in tow. Having financial constraints was a way of life and how to overcome it – the main driving force for all of us. Very early on Papa identified education as the huge enabler to get over these constraints. However it wasn’t his (or mom’s) job at all – it was upto us. He enabled us by giving us the opportunity to study in the best schools within his limited means. 3 of us were taught to eat with fork and knife - without ever having been to a five star hotel. We used to all read both classical and fiction novels – without ever buying any. At the same time – we were all taught each and every house chore, be it dusting, mopping or washing utensils. When I say ‘all’ I mean – my elder sister, elder brother and me. If the house h...

As a part of a wonderful volunteering program at our workplace, i had the opportunity to spend the day at a YAR (Young at Risk) project run by the Don Bosco Trust in South West Delhi. This is essentially a set of kids from homeless families who've been uprooted two years ago in a slum demolition exercise and have found shelter under an overbridge. Over 30 families with approximately 250 odd people live in the rat-infested, environmentally challenged open space. Around 10-15 kids managed to get admitted to government schools nearby - a task made difficult by the absence of birth documents which were destroyed during the demolition. All this is due to the efforts by the Don Bosco incharge for their project - a 25 year old girl Sonia. And this today - is her story. At the age of 6, Sonia witnessed her brother being killed in front of her and soon after ran away from her abusive family environment. She managed somehow to land with an orphanage and foster parenting program run by t...

As yet another Women’s Day rolls in soon, I am full of very conflicting emotions. However the biggest one of them is the growing frustration that the day has become synonymous with “Pink” L It seems like you cant turn a corner without running into a token ‘Pink’ heart or a note that says something to the tune of – Long Live Womanhood! In my experience, even the most well-meaning organisations end up making a mockery of the day with the Senior Leaders distributing roses or notes to all the women in office appreciating them and so on. I have lived through a special dress-code for women, special outings to a Gold jewelry unit and even a few times when parlors were brought to the conference rooms. Don’t get me wrong please – I am not blaming men for this. A lot of the times the organizing teams included prominently women. And its not their fault either I guess – we women ourselves are not clear about what we deserve and should demand. This year’s International Women’s Day theme is #e...

Resolutions have become a bit of a bad-word in today's world - rather a much mocked word i think. in many ways - rightfully so. but there is something to be said for the power of actually writing down the promises you want to make to yourself. not for anything or anyone else. just for yourself. call it what you will - resolutions to me are not just will-try-IF-possible things to do. i would rather not make those. at all. So anyways all that this prelude means that i need to be really ready to make these promises to myself before committing. but cant give up and or take on easy tasks, can i? :) #1 - Give up on the fear of failure. Too many times this has stopped me from actually trying out anything new. just the fear. of not being able to do it. of making a fool of myself. of being proven a failure. something or the other. But i think its time i got over this now. i mean i am 46 years old. ab nahi to kab?? So as the very first task for myself - have researched and identified a ...