Rambling on... again..

   I have been the reason of envy by many over the last couple of years – simply because I landed in a job scenario where I receive huge amounts of support from my managers about WFH, thus allowing me to take it easy through my pregnancy and then the first year of my son. And I know I would be envious too if I heard of a similar work arrangement for anyone else – so this is not about pointing fingers at others and saying ‘but u don’t know half of it’. This is about living in guilt – ALL THE F$#%ing time!! About everything I life!! Guilt about ‘ignoring’ the baby when you sit to work, and guilt about ‘ignoring’ work when you sit to feed the baby in the middle of a working day! The worst of course is feeling miserable when you duly get appraised very poorly at your workplace – first time ever in my 16+ years of working. I know I know – am supposed to think about the ‘great’ job am doing of raising a child etc etc. But I must be some kind of a masochistic person for wa...

                                                                                                                                                       Dearest darling cheeku… Today you turn ONE! Happy happy happy birthday sweetheart.. One of th...

Growing up – one of the phrases I heard a lot from folks and teachers alike was that everyone needs to earn respect for themselves. It is not to be assumed. Being the ‘Argumentative Indian’ that I am by birth, this pretty much extended itself to elders as well, who had to pass my test of having done something to earn my respect. In the last few years – professionally this has been a topic which caused me major heartache at times, as well as eventually became my way of showing the finger to my detractors. Annual appraisals for me at one time had a steady flow – Very good at your own work, however needs to work at commanding respect from team members, needs to (have / portray / show) gravitas… Became a huge pain-in-the-rear for me, especially since I would never be told who or when was I not shown respect by someone. Eventually figured out that the demeanor I carried was too ‘light’, ‘friendly’ – bordering on the verge of being-taken-for-granted. Was even told at one time that I sm...

Have grown up in a ‘traditional’, conservative, middle-class family – where somehow atypically emphasis on learning and independence was very high. This translated into the thirst to understand the ‘reason why’ behind things we take for granted around us. Am sure some part of this also stems from my own inherently questioning nature – After all I AM a true-blue scorpio J So when we would see people do things as a routine, trying to ask questions about why we do what we do was hugely encouraged – especially by my mom. Cannot thank her enough for embedding this habit in me – First understand, then decide if you want to do it or not. Blindly following or rejecting anything is just plain dumb!! Over the years – this habit / curiosity / need for logic has stood me in good stead – both professionally and personally in my relationships. Usually. One of the rituals I saw and tried to understand as a youngster was touching feet. In our extended family – every young man / boy is t...

This year am paying special attention to the Mothers' Day posts which have already started making an appearance on FB... I guess with R being so small right now, I still am far from really understanding the hoopla around it. And this coming from someone who loves any excuse to make a special day out of an ordinary one! Also as always... am still identifying more with the child than the mother in any mom-child pics I see!!! :) But anyways... made me think yet again of the huge upheaval motherhood causes in a woman's life... physically, mentally, emotionally AND intellectually!!!! I remember the early weeks - I used to starve for any adult company and ANY conversation topic beyond potty and feeding! Thankfully its gotten better with a bit of work, but no where close still to being on ur feet and in the thick of action. While mommyhood gives a certain kind of high for sure (especially when R's eyes light up and he gives a big smile on seeing me!), but it doesn't come cl...

Old gives way to the new... New gets old... And so on... am sure there is no one in the world for whom this is anything new, and yet... aren't we all still caught by surprise when life plays exactly the same out to us? It makes us stupid I guess - but its also what keeps us human. Have always said that there's nothing more grounding that going to your parents' place... the habits we keep in that house for some reason are the same as when we were kids...simple, straight-forward values - Parents' have to be obeyed, No rude words to anyone, Shut up and do the chores, No nakhras of any sort will be tolerated... Things never change. Thank God! And yet with time - things DO change.. subtly enough... maybe that's why it catches us by surprise to find out that the supporting hand while crossing the street is now the next-generation's, the person taking the lead to get things fixed around the house is no longer dad, the one complaining about the dust in the co...