Rambling on... again..

Over the last few months, have had several conversations with friends on the seemingly growing number of divorces around us. The married ones talk of it with a 'tut-tut' of disapproval and a maybe sometimes even a 'sigh' of wishful dreams of single-again lifestyles. The single ones talk of it much more matter-of-factly - maybe mostly as they cant afford to be judgemental about this subject. So got me into another long wondrous rant mentally on WHY - exactly WHY is being married so bloody important in our society? Actually its importance can be judged by the sheer effort that almost each and every individual puts towards finding it - NOTE - not in maintaining it, but finding it. From when you're born, almost everyone grows up with the notion of being 'special' to someone. Parents, grandparents, friends, siblings and then eventually your romantic interests in life - we all love the feeling of being 'special'. Had read this article recently which ...

The day started off on a very different note… Rain, dark clouds, unexpected holiday for the husband and little one cuddling up to me like he does every morning. Holding him in my arms, sat in the balcony having the morning cuppa, enjoying the absolutely gorgeous lush greenery and play of dark thunderous clouds in the sky. Rains delayed the newspaper and made me turn to catching up on social media instead. Chatted with a friend – admiring the tribulations and joys of motherhood with her. And then… got a message from a friend how a batchmate of his passed away unexpectedly. Suddenly. Without warning. Regular life – broken. Regular family – bereft. Regular friends – shocked. Suddenly the same world view looked different. The greys took on a different hue. The greens looked faded. Darkness in the sky reflected my heart. So many incomplete things. So much more to be said, shared, felt, done, achieved, experienced. Lives affected irreversibly. Have seen what happens when a child loses...

Hello cheeku… You’re truly becoming a ‘BIG’ boy now. Its such a delight to have you around me – at most times! :P From the last year to now – soooooo much has changed in our lives together. You go to a day care now for a few hours, have made your own friends there that your mamma knows nothing about, have your own schedules and even look forward to your life away from home and us I guess. But the one thing that has remained the same or maybe only increased is how much I adore you. Totally. Simply. Madly. Deeply. Wholeheartedly. Unequivocally. Selfishly. Selflessly. I think you’re the best kid God could have sent down for me. You’re soo much like me and yet in so many ways so different. I love the way you’re so loving towards everyone… you’re not a naturally aggressive person (so far!). And yet your boundless energy and especially your love for sports I am sure comes from your dad totally. Its such a good blend to have – I just hope we’re able to nurture it in you for a lon...

A key trait I see in a lot of women around me is to retain the baby FAT - much after the baby is an all grown up adult. FAT for me is Full on Attention ! Its almost as if the life of a woman ends when she becomes a revered MOTHER. I get all the hue and cry and the blissful experience and the happiness in sacrifice etc - but I really do not get how most other parts of a total personality are expected to (and made to even) get supressed. And of course the individual still leads a 'totally fulfilling' life as per all social beliefs. Guilt of being anything less than a 100% baby FAT mom makes many a woman give up on a lot of things - some big, some small. But since its largely a woman's own choice - I believe the concept of a fulfilling life still holds true. What I get all worked up about however are cases where judgements are cast when a woman decides to not be 100% focused only on the baby. From a small thing like an evening out with friends to other ones like travellin...

With the Mother's Day weekend coming up and all the commercial promotions starting off early, I was thinking on a bit of a tangent... or maybe not as tangential as I think. It struck me how tomes are being written about the greatness of being a mother and how it completes a woman's life - and yes, some people do stop and mention the dads too. But little gets written or maybe discussed about how the relationship between two 'individual' people in a marriage evolves post parenthood. Everyone I think goes through the older-generations' promotion of parenthood about how it 'evolves' the relationship between them and that parenthood makes you closer than before to your partner. Naturally becoming attuned to the dynamics of families - vs just couples - I started closely observing what I thought were social patterns which maybe I could use someday to define the kind of roles and relationships I wanted to emulate in my life.  I saw parents around me who were ...

One of the things I used to be totally proud of almost all my working life - actually all of it - was that I gave my work my total sincerity, passion and enthusiasm. However I did reach a point when I decided to take a break from it for a while - without the excuse of a child if I may add. But even then the real reason to take such a step was the realisation that my 'heart wasn't in it' totally. And my supportive bosses understood and respected it. I did have the excuse of saying - well I am getting married - but even to my own ears it rang false, as we had a very simple wedding and had already set up home together. So there really wasn't much I was supposed to do - except show up at my wedding and have a chilled out time. But I decided a break was what I needed - not quit working. Just take a few moments to breathe and relax and maybe spend time doing things I wanted to do - which was essentially sleep, eat, meet friends and be a lazy potato in general :) And then fi...

   I have been the reason of envy by many over the last couple of years – simply because I landed in a job scenario where I receive huge amounts of support from my managers about WFH, thus allowing me to take it easy through my pregnancy and then the first year of my son. And I know I would be envious too if I heard of a similar work arrangement for anyone else – so this is not about pointing fingers at others and saying ‘but u don’t know half of it’. This is about living in guilt – ALL THE F$#%ing time!! About everything I life!! Guilt about ‘ignoring’ the baby when you sit to work, and guilt about ‘ignoring’ work when you sit to feed the baby in the middle of a working day! The worst of course is feeling miserable when you duly get appraised very poorly at your workplace – first time ever in my 16+ years of working. I know I know – am supposed to think about the ‘great’ job am doing of raising a child etc etc. But I must be some kind of a masochistic person for wa...